« Q is the Name of the Game | Main | Two Days in April: In Pictures »

Can't Opener

I don't even remember when I purchased it (years ago), but sometime last year I got rid of my crusty, old can opener. It worked fine, but it was really old and a little rusty, and it got replaced with a shiny, NEW can opener!

Which did not work.

Every can opened with New Can Opener would stay attached at exactly two spots, opposite each other. And getting those spots unattached proved to be nearly impossible.

Picture this: I rolled the thing back and forth, trying to puncture the little attached pieces of metal. I jabbed at it with a fork. I pushed on the top of the can, sawed at it with a knife, and got increasingly frustrated. If my life was a cartoon, I'd bring out the giant wooden hammer next, a power saw, and then the dynamite, and it still wouldn't open. Pretty sure. Almost enough to make a person just swear off canned food altogether.

After can after can of annoyance, frustration, and infuriation, I decided to go old-school and low-tech with the cheapest can opener I could find. This model was so low-tech it was all metal, no comfortable plastic grips. It had only a metal point to pierce the can, not a rolling blade. While the effort it took to open a can was significantly more than New Can Opener, at least it opened the can all the way around.

Until it didn't anymore.

Is this user error? Am I can-opening-challenged? Now my low-tech opener spins without moving when it gets stuck. The metal point will raise up and just score the top of the can, instead of piercing it, when I move it clockwise, but will get stuck altogether when trying to go counter-clockwise over an un-scored part of the can. To compensate, I end up going clockwise for about an inch, then over the same spot counter-clockwise.

This? Is a LOT of effort. Just to open a can!

I wish I hadn't thrown out my crusty-but-trusty old can opener. Where do I go from here? I can't get any more low-tech... so do I go ultra-high-tech? Is there a middle ground that works? Do YOU have a can opener you love?

Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi! I can't open my canned tuna!

Post a comment

(If you haven't left a comment here before, you may need to be approved by the site owner before your comment will appear. Until then, it won't appear on the entry. Thanks for waiting.)