Wandering Aimlessly

A week and a half or so ago, I mentioned in passing that I'd gotten a phone call that upset me a bit. Well, I wrote about it in my statistics notebook in class one day last week and never got around to posting it. So here it is.

I'm not the type of person to hold grudges or let things bother me for very long. I'm a pretty laid-back, let things roll off my back kinda gal. 99% of the time, anyway. In fact, when I was a kid, if I was angry with someone (usually my dad, sometimes my sister, periodically a friend), I'd vent my frustrations and be over it almost before the other person had really started to get angry back. I could come back into the room and be perfectly jolly, and I'd never understand why the other person was still mad. My mom used to tell me "other people aren't like you, Kate. They can't turn their emotions on and off like a switch. They don't downshift that quickly."

Well, fine. I got used to being done with being mad or frustrated or whatever way before the other person did. So it's a huge surprise to me with frustrations hang around and nag at me.

That has happened lately with Melissa*. Now, Melissa, I can pretty honestly say, is one of my best friends and has been for most of college. We've been through a lot together and we've been there for each other, but lately, she's said and done some things that just frustrate me. She's backed out of a couple of really important things (at least things that were important to me), and in one case, ended up leaving me really high and dry. It was that last incident that has produced this tug in my stomach when I think about hanging out with her or talking to or or whatever. I wish it would go away. I really do. That was a couple months ago, now, and it still bugs me. And I HATE that it bugs me.

Because of that little tug of left-over... resentment? Whatever it is, I've (mostly subconsciously) avoided being in her presence a whole lot. We still hang out, we still talk, but I just haven't been going out of my way to be around her. And I love the girl, I really do. Like I said, she's a good friend and I don't in any way want to lose that. I just can't help it that I'm still ever-so-slightly still peeved about this, and it helps my sanity to not be confronted with it. Lol. Remember, I'm not used to holding onto things that bother me. <.g> Anyway. So she called and asked why I didn't want to hang out with her anymore, and I really didn't have a reason. I fumbled around and stammered out "It's not intentional. We've just been busy." Which is true. Ugh. I don't want to be a person who holds grudges!! Ack! I just need to let go of this and go on with my life, but somehow, in this case, it's not something I can make myself do. I guess I'll just have to sit back and hope it happens soon. =/

*Name has been changed to protect the not-so-innocent

Okay, I know that was really cryptic. Lol. Sorry. I don't like talking about my friends online in anything less than glowingly positive lights. <.g>